drives into relationship...
23rd May 2005
i suppose there are two types of drives that propel a person into a relationship.
(D1) the nature of the first one is aspiration in nature. it is forward looking, it is filled with admiration - the attraction towards the beauty, the brilliant colours, the fantastic synergy...
(D2) the nature of the second one is fear in nature. it is backward looking, it is filled with fear - the fear of loneliness, of being insecure, of not having any sex, of not conforming to the norms of society or one's community....
it is a bit like finding a job, some people are driven by (D2) and feel that they have no choice but to work in order to survive, and work is not for enjoyment or realisation of potentials/dreams... no wonder they often feel so unfulfilled and unhappy at work...
i never go to work because of (D2). i'd rather go for a less paid job that is more meaningful, after all, i'm spending one third of my day with work, what a waste of time and my life to be driven by (D2).
but what about relationship? it's only recently it suddenly dawns on me that i was driven by (D2) when i entered my last relationship. loneliness is not easy to withstand, and when one gets to a certain age and feels one's biological clock is ticking, it may feel like the right thing to do...
there is nothing morally wrong to be driven by (D2), the only catch of being driven by (D2) is that it is a limiting drive which entails a limiting fulfilment by definition, because even when one obtains a 100% from such a relationship (or work for that matter), one is only getting away from what one fears, not what one truly wants and aspires for.
what seems even more paradoxical is that by fearing something, we actually attract what we fear by investing energy in the feared object... thus if one is in fear of loneliness, one actually gives power to it, and allows loneliness to enter one's life more readily....
it is time to confront my own fear: to transform the fear of loneliness to an enjoyment of one's solitude and personal space; to turn the sense of insecurity to the opportunity to explore and take (reasonable) risks; to turn the lack of sex or physical intimacy into a time to explore one's own body and even to embark on some spiritual pursuit; to turn away from the norms by following one's heart....
it's time to sort myself out, i know.
i suppose there are two types of drives that propel a person into a relationship.
(D1) the nature of the first one is aspiration in nature. it is forward looking, it is filled with admiration - the attraction towards the beauty, the brilliant colours, the fantastic synergy...
(D2) the nature of the second one is fear in nature. it is backward looking, it is filled with fear - the fear of loneliness, of being insecure, of not having any sex, of not conforming to the norms of society or one's community....
it is a bit like finding a job, some people are driven by (D2) and feel that they have no choice but to work in order to survive, and work is not for enjoyment or realisation of potentials/dreams... no wonder they often feel so unfulfilled and unhappy at work...
i never go to work because of (D2). i'd rather go for a less paid job that is more meaningful, after all, i'm spending one third of my day with work, what a waste of time and my life to be driven by (D2).
but what about relationship? it's only recently it suddenly dawns on me that i was driven by (D2) when i entered my last relationship. loneliness is not easy to withstand, and when one gets to a certain age and feels one's biological clock is ticking, it may feel like the right thing to do...
there is nothing morally wrong to be driven by (D2), the only catch of being driven by (D2) is that it is a limiting drive which entails a limiting fulfilment by definition, because even when one obtains a 100% from such a relationship (or work for that matter), one is only getting away from what one fears, not what one truly wants and aspires for.
what seems even more paradoxical is that by fearing something, we actually attract what we fear by investing energy in the feared object... thus if one is in fear of loneliness, one actually gives power to it, and allows loneliness to enter one's life more readily....
it is time to confront my own fear: to transform the fear of loneliness to an enjoyment of one's solitude and personal space; to turn the sense of insecurity to the opportunity to explore and take (reasonable) risks; to turn the lack of sex or physical intimacy into a time to explore one's own body and even to embark on some spiritual pursuit; to turn away from the norms by following one's heart....
it's time to sort myself out, i know.
posted by ele at 2:15 PM
1 Comments:
Goodness, how i relate to your post...especially your last lines...for that is where i'm at...
loneliness...the one fear that always seems to interrupt my enjoyment of solitude and personal space!
Thus I'm going to do something unusual and extend a hand of friendship by sharing my blog with you. Only spare the time to look if you like poetry.
be well,
mOo
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